For the last few years (throughout university, college and some of school) I've always been a loner. Yes, I have friends but not many, and the ones I do have it took me years to become comfortable around them. Because I have lack of faith in people and no self confidence I've chosen to spend time on my own doing my own thing rather than to be a 'social butterfly' like most others around seem to be. A couple of times a year I go through bad stages, and I can be 'down' all of the time. It seems like all I want to do is sit and cry, and be in the dark, see no-one, not eat and not have any interests of 'normal' life that I usually enjoy. Since Mid-year 2011 to present Ive noticed that I haven't seemed myself. I prefer to not talk about my feelings (especially to my parents who I dont want to stress out being 500 miles apart knowing that cant really do alot to physically help me). I feel myself getting angry and it doesnt take alot for me to get irratated with others, especially when certain people know how to push my buttons. I'm never what seems to be in a normal mood - i'm either really low or really hyperactive. On few occasions people have asked me if I have bi-polor ... the answer is I dont know. I have the symptoms of it... but I have symptoms for alot of things. When i'm feeling down, sad, angry - when im stressed I tend to make myself very ill, and wear my body down. I'm 22 and yet at times it seems like i'm 102. Yes everyone has their bad days....but I mean not everyone will understand the really bad days. So finally, breaking down into tears almost every day for no apparant reason, being stressed with a whole lotta things going on in my life right now, to an extent being homesick and not wanting to do anything that i actually enjoy I thought id pay a visit to the doctors finally - I walked in, looked at him and nearly busrt into tears.... Finally someone who understood. I dont know why i waited so long (probably because most other doctor i've had the pleasure of meeting has been a complete TWAT), finally someone who HASN'T said - 'You're 22 - what do you have to be depressed about'. Thats right after talking to him for a good 45 mins or so... and talking about how i was feeling and such, doing surveys, and looking at his book of knowledge.. From mid-year 2011 until now (and still ongoing) I have now just been diagnosed with severe depression. Severe Depression is usually a score between 20 and 27 on the docrtors survey thingmajinggy and I got a grand total of 27. Along with bulimia which I suffer with (proabably through depression) I now feel that I should start being more open and honest about how im feeling..Everyday of my life lately seems to be one big struggle and at times even I wonder why? I'm now hapily engaged to my wonderful fiance, what else could I want - tbh one of these reasons I believe is through university.. I cant stand it but without wanting to let people down or dissapoint them I do what I need to do... some of the time. Alot of people will say or think that depression is a sign of weakness... I say depression is about a person that has tried to be strong for too long. Next time you look at someone who seems down dont say 'Cheers up, it might never happen' maybe have a thought for that person and what they might be going through.
Who Gets Depression?
2 in 3 adults will get it at some point in their lives. A person can actually have 1 or more 'episodes' within their life of depression. For severe cases of depression that rquires treatment it's usually 1 in 4 women and 1 in 10 men to get depression. While most cases of a persons 'bad day' end up with said person recovering quite quickly - true depression shows its symptoms that usually last for 2 weeks or longer, and some symptoms can become so severe that it affects with a persons day to day life.
Symptoms*
Core symptoms
Persisstent sadness or low mood.
Loss of interest in pleasure in activities usually enjoyed.
Common symptoms
Disturbed Sleep (difficulty in getting in/off to sleep, waking early and not being able to get back to sleep, or even oversleeping.
Change in appetite (both a poor appetite and weight loss or overeating and gaining weight)
Fatigue (tiredness) or loss of energy
Agitation or slowing of movements
Poor concentration and indecisevness (making even the simpler tasks seem daunting)
Feelings of worthlessness or excesive/innapropriate guilt
Recurrent thoughts of death
People will sever depression can sometimes develop delusions/hallucinations (known as psychotic symptoms)
What causes depression?
The exact cause is unknown, however anyone can develop dpression. Some people are more prone to it than others and it can come on for no apparant reason. There could be genetic factors involved. Chemical imbalances in the brain might be a factor but ths is not fully understood.Woman tend to develop depression more than in men. A typicall depressive stage can last between 6-8 months, long i know... beleive me.
Treatment options*
Anti - depressant medications
Psychological (talking) treatments ie Councilling
For moderate or sever depression - Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), Interpersonal therapy (IPT), Behavioural activation and there is for other kinds;
Couples therapy, Electronvulsive and plenty of Exercise.
Hopefully this will make all (who happen to skim across my pages) understand a little bit more about depression, we're not all going mad, but if theres one thing to tell us... please dont let it be 'Cheer up, or 'theres nothing to worry about - lifes not all bad'. Maybe not for you, but living with depression is really hard. Not only does it affect the person suffering, but everyone around them too. Family, friends, work mates and collegues, so please just bear it in mind and think of the ones suffering from it.. P.s dear mam, dad and family members who I can out through hell by worrying about me... ifyou ever read my blog, you might understand now why I am/ or why I act the way I can.. It's an illness and hopefully you can be supportive.
I'm writing this with droopy eyes right now, so I think Im going to go to bed....before they resort to anti-depressants we've looked at other stuff that can help but for now Ive been prescibed some really strong sleeping tablets (Zopiclone) which last night give me the worst dry mouth with horrible taste and some pretty weird/scary hallucinations... Hopefully will have a better nights sleep tonight and not see a monkey or an elephant along with all of my househould objects dancing this time.. but I shall seehow it goes..
Sorry to bore you all :) NIGHTY NIGHT xx
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